I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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