I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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