worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
