"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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