Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
