She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
