the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
