we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
