I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That accounts for only three of the penises
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
