just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
