Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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