We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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