I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
