i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
