Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
