these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
