ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
