doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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