even my farts smell like vagina
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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