the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
