I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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