I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
