After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
