We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
