Im at strip club and am horny
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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