I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
