this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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