It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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