we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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