FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
