I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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