Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
