If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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