Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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