he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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