can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
