You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
