you have to choose: penises or morals?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
