the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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