i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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