so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
