They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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