Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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