Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I touched a dick in church today
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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