This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize