And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
