break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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