I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
