I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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