I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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