so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
