i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize