then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
