Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
