Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
pray to the hookup gods
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
